What’s in my Makeup Bag!

Did anyone else grow up watching those videos on YouTube?

I can’t explain why, but ever since I was in elementary school, those videos have been my guilty pleasure. I’d watch influencers show off drawers and cupboards full of vanity products while I sat there fiddling with my Lip Smackers, the only “makeup” I was allowed to have at that age. Those videos weren’t always a peek into the horrors of mass production and overconsumption. Sometimes, they felt personal, intimate even. I loved hearing what their favorite products were int hat moment, what they loved about them, and how they made them feel. Of course, a lot of that could have been influenced by sponsorships and whatnot, but as an avid YouTube watcher, I think I could tell when someone was being genuine. My favorite videos were Bethany Mota’s “Monthly Favorites,” where she’d show us all the things she’d been loving that month, from beauty essentials and clothing to snacks and songs. It felt like I was getting to know her through her favorite things. They were clearly important to her, important enough to make a whole video about, which makes sense because I could talk for hours on end about my favorite things. After all, they are just little extensions of me.

My relationship with makeup has evolved a lot over the years. From religiously wearing nothing but lip balm and a thick layer of kajal throughout middle school, to experimenting with just concealer in high school, and then buying every dupe of Clinique Black Honey I could find in college, I slowly worked my way up to having a full makeup bag and a routine of my own.

Before I carry on, I want to share a bit more about the significance of Clinique Black Honey in my life. My friends from college can attest that I was manically obsessed with this product. Or, well, buying dupes of this product. Why? Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. It was probably the overload of videos talking about what a perfect shade it was for all skin tones, or how it was the key to achieving that “your lips but better” look. I really did think it was a pretty shade, though. So much so that I bought practically every dupe of it on the market. At the time, spending over $20 on a makeup product felt illegal, but somehow my mind justified spending over $100 on different versions of the exact same shade. It wasn’t until my birthday, when my friends gifted me the real thing, that I finally owned an actual Clinique Black Honey. I treasured it like gold.

“This is my forever shade,” I thought.

“I should buy so many backups of this in case they ever stop making it,” my mind said three years ago. And now I have three Clinique Black Honeys expiring inside my desk drawers, all unfinished.

Point of the story: forever does not exist!!! No matter how many times I thought I had found my forever, holy-grail product, the one I couldn’t live without, I’d eventually outgrow it or get the urge to try something new. And I used to get so mad at myself for it. For some reason, I felt like I needed to perfect my routine. Once I found a product in each category that I liked, that was supposed to be it. No more searching. No more experimenting. Obviously, that was never going to work out. I’m in Sephora almost every week. But I’ve also realized that “perfect” isn’t just different from person to person, it can mean something completely different to me from time to time as well.

There is so much joy in makeup. The act of swatching products in a store, thinking you love something, realizing you actually hate it, returning it, appreciating cute packaging, using your friend’s makeup, buying something that was recommended to you, and the list goes on! Why would I strip myself of these joys in the name of having a perfected routine? I like trying and collecting new makeup, and that’s that.

This acceptance led me to this project, where I document what my routine looks like at different points in my life. At its core, every product I bring into my makeup bag is significant to me. It tells me a little bit about where I am at that moment. The colors I’ve been drawn to, whether I’m feeling bold or sleek, cute or sexy, the values and ingredients that are important to me, who or what has been inspiring me and so much more. My makeup bag is constantly changing, just as I do.

So here’s what’s in, or has been in, my makeup bag!